It’s been a while since I sat down to write. I could blame it on traveling (which I did) or on preparing for my mother in law coming to stay with us this weekend as she’s moving into her new place a few miles away (which she is) or I could blame it on preparing to go back to work part time (which I am). Valid excuses, all.
But. There’s more to it. I get stuck, you see. Inside my head. It’s a carnival of crazy in there sometimes. I get stuck in overthinking what I “should” be as a writer instead of just writing. And so the spiral begins that gets me paralyzed, stuck in the should and not doing anything about it. I would literally rather clean out my fridge than try to write. (and I may have done that this morning) Because that next step is just to scary. What if I get it wrong? What if I pour out my soul on a page yet again and it doesn’t make a difference? What if no one reads it? What if, what if what if…
I am convinced (with the help of a good friend who knows me oh so well) that this is one of the major tools Satan uses to keep me from doing what God is asking of me. Which is to live out loud. Which is to speak my truth. Which is to share with you what He’s teaching me without getting caught up in what a blog “should” be. Which is to just be real.
Does any of this sound familiar? Can I get an Amen? Do you ever feel this place of “stuck”? Tell me I’m not the only one. I doubt, I worry, I wonder if it matters. But it does. What I do matters and what you do matters. God put each of us on this planet with a specific voice, a specific set of one-of-a-kind gifts, a specific set of not-always-easy experiences and that curious amalgam is what we need to walk out, however that looks according to His perfect plan and timing. And Satan doesn’t want any piece of this to happen. He wants to stymie our voice when God wants us to shout. He wants us (me) to stay stuck in the second-guessing instead of just doing the simple next thing in front of us.
My knows-me-oh-so-well friend, in this same pep talk, gave me an awesome analogy: We all have a microphone. It’s up to God to adjust the volume.
Wow. Yeah. That’s it. I need to speak into this world what He has put inside me, and maybe you do, too, whether that’s through writing or loving your family or reaching out to someone who’s hurting. The reach, the influence, the scope, that’s all in God’s hands.
So my microphone and I refuse to stay stuck. And I’ll trust God to adjust the volume to His liking.