A wife’s secret to happiness. What is this elusive thing, happiness, that we all seek after, we all hang our worth upon?
We want so much to be happy, to feel that deep down satisfaction and peace in life, and possibly more than any other area, in our marriages, the most foundational of all relationships. The adage “Happy wife, happy life” comes to mind, seeming to urge husbands to keep that girl of theirs in a good place so they can reap the benefits in their lifetimes together. While that’s all well and good, and rather smart advice, our husband’s efforts aren’t our true source of happiness as wives. We want this most intimate relationship to be a happy one, but it is a grave and most basic error to think your husband can truly be our source of happiness.
I have an amazing husband. Ah-mazing. We have been very happily married for almost 27 years. (Yes, we were infants when we got married, thank you for noticing how very youthful we are). But as exceptional as my husband is, he cannot be my sole source of happiness. He’s human. A very good-looking and hilarious human who knows me better than anyone and treats we incredibly well, but human nonetheless. And, like me, he makes mistakes. And has bad days. And doesn’t always say the exact right thing. And what’s a girl to do when confronted with imperfect? When human bumps into her happiness? Well, that depends on the foundation holding up that girl’s happiness.
I recently read A Wife’s Secret to Happiness by Jen Weaver. This book articulates so much of what I’ve learned through my marriage, and so much I wish I’d understood as a younger wife, earlier in my walk with my husband. Jen cuts to the bedrock here, the foundation in God that holds our happiness. This book is filled with gut-honest and authentic struggles and joy, hands-on practical ways to apply God’s word to your marriage right now, and great downloadable bonus content to encourage and help you on your way. This is a great read, perfect for today’s young wives. And some of us who are, um, less young.
The secret of a wife’s happiness is truly seeing herself, her marriage, and her husband through the lens of her loving Savior. To see how this team fits together, whose role is what, and looking to God for joy and fulfillment. When I, a human and flawed wife, am in harmony with God, soaked in His grace, I am far more able to give grace to my awesome but also human husband, look to his best interest, and seek God’s plan for what our home and family should look like.
When I was a younger wife, earlier in the journey of our marriage, less experienced and less in tune with what God was calling me to in my family, I thought this wife’s secret to happiness would be having this hot husband and getting my way about how things ran. Having a certain house, having a certain lifestyle, having our kids at a certain time, having my husband read my mind and do things because he wanted to. I thought the secret to my happiness was, essentially, all about me. Not about we. But I, and I suspect many other wives who may see these words, had it so backwards. We is the operative. In A Wife’s Secret to Happiness, Jen emphasizes the importance of fighting alongside your husband in this great battle of life instead of against him.
A wife’s secret to happiness, as Jen Weaver outlines it in her book, is the same in so many ways as a human’s secret to happiness. Love God first, seek other’s best interests. When we let God provide and let our husbands love us rather than us seeking our own self promotion or demanding our own way, life is better. So. Much. Better.
Will frustrations come? Of course they will. Again, human people involved in this situation. But if you need to vent, to complain, give it to God. Don’t be that contentious woman that drives your man to live on the corner of your rooftop instead of sharing your bed (Proverbs 25:24). Fight for the we over the me. This WILL make you a happy wife with a happy life.
If you’d like to win a free copy of Jen Weaver’s excellent book, A Wife’s Secret to Happiness, please comment on this blog post AND be sure you’ve liked my author Facebook page, Kathleen Tysinger, before April 5. I will draw a winning name and announce it in a live video on my Facebook page on April 6